


Giving the Tree a Trim

by amai_kaminari



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2796860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amai_kaminari/pseuds/amai_kaminari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Stalks are stalking you?  Very funny, Gojyo.  Now please go install the storm windows."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giving the Tree a Trim

**Author's Note:**

> No beta. All mistakes are mine. Saiyuki belongs to the great Kazuya Minekura.

Gojyo had pissed off a plant youkai at some point. He was sure of it. 

It was the only explanation for the fact that the garden had begun migrating indoors and _stalking_ him.

He tried to warn Hakkai. Weren't those things poisonous? Sadly, his words of caution were met only with a raised eyebrow and: 

"Stalks are stalking you? Very funny, Gojyo. Now please go install the storm windows."

Okay, so maybe Hakkai didn't believe him, but it was true! 

It all started about two weeks ago, when Gojyo woke up to find weeds -- _Viscum cruciatum_ , Hakkai had corrected -- piled up next to his pillow.

Then, over the next few days, the wee--, er, visc--, er, _plants_ started multiplying, and within a week, they hung ominously over every doorway in the house.

The demon seed didn't stop there. Next, the creepers crept over every horizontal semi-flat surface in the house: tables, chairs, countertops, bathroom sinks, refrigerator shelves. Even their condom drawers!

And when **Operation: Takeover Every Horizontal Surface** had apparently been completed, the shoots continued shooting over every vertical surface. 

Since Hakkai didn't seem bothered at all by the intrusion, the job of protecting the sanctity of their humble abode obviously fell to Gojyo. Seeing no other alternative, Gojyo made the ultimate sacrifice. 

He went to the library and googled _Viscum cruciatum, poisonous_.

Ah ha! He was right. Poisonous. Thank you, Wikipedia!

Without bothering with the rest of the details, Gojyo printed out the article. He could present it to Hakkai as evidence at dinner. Then, maybe Hakkai would finally concede that they were being stalked and help him get rid of the damn things.

As soon as they sat down to dinner, he pulled the article out of his pocket and read it aloud, allowing just the tiniest bit - okay, maybe a lot - of smugness to color his tone:

_Viscum cruciatum, commonly called the red-berry mistletoe, is a species of mistletoe in the family Santalaceae. All parts of the plants are poisonous if eaten._

He read slowly and clearly, making sure to carefully annunciate the word _poisonous_. It couldn't hurt to be thorough, especially where Hakkai was concerned.

Gojyo waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And, just for good measure, waited a little longer.

Hakkai didn't jump out of his chair and turn all thousand-demon-weed-whacking badass. He didn't drag Gojyo to Chang An to force that damn monk to sutra away the curse. (Or, at least, to unleash the monkey's cast iron stomach on it.) 

He didn't even look _surprised_.

Gojyo had just proven beyond all reasonable doubt that demon weeds had been stalking him and Hakkai's only response was to sit there.

And smile. 

Bastard.

"Read it again, Gojyo," Hakkai said mildly when the silence had dragged on long enough that Gojyo considered reaching across the table to check for a pulse.

What?

"Read it again," Hakkai repeated as he got up and moved to the adjacent chair. He tilted his head to peer at Gojyo expectantly, almost nose to nose.

Gojyo opened his mouth. "Viscum cruciatum..."

"Slowly." Hakkai interjected.

Gojyo glared, but started again.

"Viscum cruciatum, commonly called the red-berry mistletoe..."

Then Hakkai kissed him.

Fuck it. The demon weeds could stay.


End file.
